In a small island, there lived John and his sister Mary. On the island, family and societal bonds were very important. They were both raised by their parents to be very respectful of family members and cultures. At the age of 15, John went to settle England for studies and for better prospects in the future. He came back regularly once a year for vacations. Meanwhile, Mary, who was married by then, took care of their parents on the island, helping them as they grew older. After 20 years, John was very successful and made a lot of money.
However, being exposed to a different culture for so long, he had also lost the values and respect that his parents had taught him. He became arrogant and thought that his perspective on the world was more modern than those who had stayed back on the island. He even imposed his views and ideas on his own parents.
His behaviour infuriated Mary, who still had a sense of values and respect. Being older than him, she talked to him and tried to reason with him not to treat their parents in that way. John got even angrier at Mary. Who was she to tell him what to do? They soon started arguing about who was better and who had made the right choices.
Hi Yashfeer! (: Yes I agree that very small details can sometimes result in a big irresolvable dispute! Actually it's the accumulation of many small disputes that make it even harder to resolve. In my opinion, Mary and John should have talked things out after they have cooled down and not leave the dispute hanging for years. Everyone has different perspectives on things, John should not impose his views and ideas on his parents. Most importantly, never to forget the hand who brings you up!
ReplyDeleteIn the meanwhile, probably his parents would be a better candidate in talking to John?
Hi Yashfeer =) Are the small details in your question referring to the way John is treating his parents?
ReplyDeleteMy analysis of why it would amount to such a big irresolvable dispute is because of a few reasons. One reason is John's lack of Self-Awareness, which is believed to be the most important part of Emotional Intelligence(EI). He is unable to recognize his own weakness by thinking he is more educated than those who stayed on the island. Most often, humility draws people closer to us as humble people are more willing to listen to other people's opinions than those who are proud. By being arrogant, John is actually shutting the doors to the outside world on himself.
Another reason is the lack of empathy, which is likely the second most important element in EI, from both John and Mary. Both of them are unable to understand from each other's perspective and feelings. They are too insistent and unwilling to give and take.
I think that in any relationship, there are bound to be disagreements at some point or another because people are made differently and they think differently. Hence, it is very important to be more giving, or forgiving, in a relationship. A possible solution is to achieve a win-win situation. John may not be entirely wrong; his views may be more flexible and practical. Also, Mary is right because values and traditions should be kept. Thus, possibly Mary and John can reflect what are the good and bad of each other's views, then evaluate what is the best balance for their parents.
Hope John and Mary can break the ice after 5 years! =)
Hi Wanqi.
ReplyDeleteActually the small details referred to the small misunderstandings and shots of anger between John and Mary.
And yes I agree with you that lack of empathy, which is often translated into stubbornness is very present in this situation.
Hi Charmian.
ReplyDeleteYes the intervention of the parents would be very useful... if the parents were impartial. However, the parents are too proud of their prodigal son to say anything to him. And so they blame Mary more than John. This makes it more difficult for Mary to come to a compromise with John.
Very complicated situation actually. Didn't have enough space to write it all down here.
Hi Yashfeer, thanks for the post. At first glance, it seems that John and Mary fell out because of 'cultural differences'. Even though John was raised on the island till he was 15, the many years he spent abroad changed him, be it his outlook in life, or his values and attitudes towards people; and the ‘disagreement’ between John and Mary seemed more an intercultural conflict than an interpersonal one.
ReplyDeleteA closer look revealed that the reason(s) behind the fall out may indeed interpersonal, although it is not apparent in your post. Something seems to be absent here, and it will be good if you can point out how John had behaved, for example. How was he arrogant? How did he impose his views and ideas on his parents? A more complete picture would have helped us understand the main reason(s) leading up to the ‘big irresolvable dispute’. It will also be good if you can pose a question asking for feedback from your readers in search of solutions to solve the irresolvable dispute.